WELL NOW, it appears to be that time again to ruffle some feathers and lose some followers by the amount of social media butthurt that might commence….
1) I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS!! I don’t care about the war in Syria, I don’t care about Isis, the Taliban, Iraq, oil profits, Russia, Putin, etc etc etc. I just don’t fucking care. If you come at me with some bullshit of “well it effects your life bla bla bla”….listen, I don’t fucking care. I choose to not give a damn about it. I choose to live my life to the best that my mediocre abilities will take me, and I choose to focus on things that bring joy to my life. Whatever happens with the political state, I will adapt and adjust accordingly, but I’m not going to be some sniveling piss ant whining on social media that I don’t like the president, or his actions, because again, say it with me now people, I DON’T FUCKING CARE!
1a) I also do not give a shit about the kardashians, kanye, pepsi commercials, or whatever the fuck your frail sensitive thin skinned asses can’t cope with. Get the fuck over it, and go live your life to the fullest while you can.
2) (said this one before, and I’m gonna say it again) I don’t care what your skin color is, your sexual preference is, or whatever your background is, religious/political views etc, don’t be an asshole. Don’t try and cram your ideology and rhetoric down other peoples throats. I don’t care for bigoted racist xenophobic transphobic whatever the fuck views, I just don’t care, because none of that directly affects MY life (unless you’re an asshole, and then it’s as easy as washing my hands of you and your bullshit)
now, with those 2 topics out of the way, let me try and write something to sound like even more of a prick.
3) Ladies- let’s talk about something real quick, have a seat, gather ’round the campfire and let me tell you a tale about social media and your love life. Your sad statuses about being lonely, needing cuddles and hugs, or wanting a “real man to take care of you” instantly followed by memes of “useless fuckboy niggas aint shit”, these are the types of bipolar behavior that “fuckboys” prey on. STOP. Get your shit together, no “good guy” is reading that shit saying “oh man, her life seems like a train wreck, let me fix her”, never gonna fucking happen darlin’, not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Online escort directory escorteurogirls.com is the best place to find a call girl.
Oh, you get messages every day from fuck boys who are trying to take you out, trying to flirt with you to get a piece of ass, then you go and call them out on all of your social media accounts? While as entertaining as some of those posts are, it’s also fairly easy to just be an adult and say “I’m not interested, you’re not my type” and if they keep up the dumb shit, just block them. Cause I can tell you first hand, when a girl talks about how many dudes are trying to fuck her, it’s a major red flag. stay humble.
3a) This type of behavior also happens to guys as well, there are some VERY thirsty females out there who don’t get that “not interested” means “you’re not my type, not trying to waste your time or mine *insert thumbs up emoji to kill the conversation*”
3b) So you’re newly single and want to go meet new people, make sure before you start some new shit, all your past baggage is dead and buried. (both parties). Some of you try and pull some dumb shit thinking you can speed up the healing process with other people (let me get a little insightful and soft here for a second), you can’t. You have to go through those stages on your own, you have to reach a point of really not giving a fuck about your past situations before you’re going to properly move the fuck on. The older you get, the more you start to understand people come and go, for various reasons, people’s priorities and what they want out of life change, people want a change of scenery, they want to travel, and sometimes those plans don’t include you. It happens. Adapt, and adjust. it might hurt, it might not, but you don’t own people, and you can’t control them. You want to fuck around and just kill time with someone and not date, just hang out, bang out and go about your day, be honest with em, plain and simple, you’re both adults, no need to sugar coat shit for simple minds who can’t understand that sometimes you just want to fuck someone who you find visually stimulating, but on a personal level, you might not have any connection at all, (again, just be a fucking adult about it and be honest).
3c) The lines of dating have been so blurred beyond perception. Guys can’t ask a girl on a date because if they do they’re a fuck boy, and females don’t think it’s their job to ask a guy on a date…. grow a pair (balls, tits, whatever) and speak the fuck up, otherwise, quit bitching that you never got a shot. Confidence is a turn on for a lot of people, and how you handle a situation when you get shot down, speaks on your character, stay humble about it. (while you’re at it, expand your vocabulary, and stop using words like fleek, and lit, unless you’re using it ironically in proper context for making fun of people who use words like fleek and lit.)
4) Recently I got called boring because I don’t party or drink often. I found this incredibly funny because of the circumstances, context of conversation, and general attitude that it was said. I’m alright being “boring”, because I have shit to show for it. I have some damn good memories of traveling around the world, and a lot of places I fully intend to revisit. I have some damn good friends who don’t get pissed off at me for the dumb shit I’d do if I was drunk or fucked up. I also like having money to eat, pay my bills and pay off my house early so I don’t end up sitting at the bar bitching about my job, or being broke every fucking night. I also don’t have any sympathy for your self induced hangovers, rehab stints, lost driver’s licenses, DUI’s and legal fees, or weekends in jail.
I also lose a LOT of respect for people who pawn their kids off on anyone who’ll watch them, so they can hangout at the bar every night, adult the fuck up and take care of your damn kid(s) so they don’t end up growing up to be assholes.
ah, intermission. Are you still reading this?, alright then, let’s continue.
5) Spring is here, the weather is nice again, and almost consistent, don’t drive like an asshole, watch for motorcycles, because I’m not opposed to reaching in my bag and throwing a spark plug at your windshield, or kicking your door as I pass you.
6) Jimmy Fallon’s new commercial annoys the fuck out of me to a point where I mute the tv every time it comes on.
annnnnnd that’s the end of the show folks, stay tuned in a couple weeks/months for the next episode.
Matt Zimmerman
